The Oshkosh Student Association approved a sponsorship deal with MillerCoors Brewing Company to sponsor the late night “drunk bus” to pay for the service, which has become ubiquitous in the current economic climate.
Now instead of a normal bus driving from 8 p.m. to 3 a.m. Thursday through Saturday, the late-night route will feature four buses shaped like Miller Lite cans.
As part of the agreement, the buses will offer Miller products for sale while riders are en route to their destination.
OSA President Thomas Wolf said the decision was easy, considering the deal with Miller will turn a program that cost $60,000 a year into a revenue stream that will benefit all campus organizations that use segregated fees.
“With all the budget cuts and money going missing these last few months we really couldn’t have found a better way to get some more duckets for all the things student orgs want to do,” Wolf said.
Chancellor Richard Wells commended the OSA for their problem-solving skills used to solve a difficult issue.
“The OSA has done a remarkable job funding a vital program, while staying with the UW-Oshkosh motto of selling out to the highest bidder,” Wells said.
The decision has become a huge hit in the eyes of UW-Oshkosh’s upper classmen who say they are tired of going to the campus bars and are looking for new places to hang out.
“I’ve been going to the campus bars since my freshman year and have been turned down by every bartender, so having a chance to go to the Main Street bars with a clean slate while not losing the buzz I worked up pre-bar’n it is wonderful,” resident super-senior George Wendall said.
Senior Andy Jansen said the new additions to the bus will open up a whole new world for students.
“Now all of us players have a chance to get some coug action on Main Street,” Jansen said.
UW-Oshkosh Police Chief Mike Melland said he welcomes the new drunk buses.
“I sure hope those new drunk buses attract a lot of students and bring them off campus so we don’t have to deal with all of the stupid shenanigans people do on campus,” Melland said. “Now that will be the Oshkosh Police Department’s problem.”
However, not everyone is lauding the new sponsorship, according to junior and known Internet skeptic theory believer Onelone Nutt.
“This new deal is just more proof that every member of OSA is a liberal who hates Budweiser,” Nutt said.
Disclaimer: This article appears in our Halloween Issue and is satirical in nature.
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