Struggling to make decisions is nothing new to Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre, but this Halloween he is having problems with a choice of a different kind: which Halloween candy to pass out at his Kiln, Miss. home.
At a press conference held on Tuesday that was covered by the entire ESPN family of networks, including ESPN, ESPN Deportes, ESPN 8: The Ocho and the newly launched ESPN 4: Favre, the future Hall of Famer spoke to reporters about his struggle with choosing the perfect sugary confection for his costumed visitors.
“It’s something I’ve been going back and forth with for a while now,” Favre said. “Lots of people have been giving me helpful advice. My agent Bus (Cook) told me to go with Paydays, my teammate Pat (Williams) said he’s passing out Chunky bars, and coach Childress told me his wife will be passing out Nerds to all of the trick-or-treaters.”
Favre also said that teammate Jim Kleinsasser suggested that he go with Twix bars, to help give him some time to chew over the decision.
“He thought I was stumped for a minute, but as a diversion I mentioned how much more money I was making than him,” Favre said. “Jimmy is a real character.”
Following the press conference, the ESPN family of networks aired a Sportscenter special dedicated to the Favre candy situation titled, “The Brett Favre Snacktacular,” and ESPN analyst Ron Jaworski broke down Favre’s decision making on film.
“The biggest thing that Brett has going for him is his experience,” Jaworski said. “He’s been handing out candy to trick-or-treaters for a long time, and in my opinion he’s never looked better. He’s still got the zip on his candy-into-bag placement and can make all the tosses necessary to give the children their sugary treats.”
Even though he hasn’t made a decision on which candy he will pass out, Favre already has an idea of what he will not be distributing this year.
“In 2004 (wife) Deanna was on a health kick and passed out Nutri-Grain bars and toothbrushes,” Favre said. “We still have people who won’t come back after that one.”
Teammate Jared Allen has already set the bar pretty high for Halloween treats, as he’s promised to give out something that children can enjoy long after the Halloween season is over.
“This year I’m passing out cowboy hats and mullet wigs,” Allen said. “That shit is gonna be awesome.”
When asked if he had any idea what Favre might be distributing this year, as he always does, Allen offered an interesting take.
“Hell I don’t know, maybe he can hand out Werthers Originals or something, knowing his old ass,” Allen said.
Disclaimer: This article appears in our Halloween Article and is satirical in nature.
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