The Washington Redskins are winning the Super Bowl. So punch your tickets for Miami now, because it’s happening.
I don’t care if they’re 3-6 on the season. I don’t give up on a horse just because it’s ready for the glue factory, and neither should you.
My faith was rewarded when my Redskins demolished the Denver Broncos 27-17 Sunday. As Walter Sobchak from “The Big Lebowski” said, paraphrasing Theodor Herzl: “if you will it, dude, it is no dream.” I don’t know if this Herzl exists, but I’m passing this nugget along to you, thirdhand, so you can believe in dreams, fourthhand.
So make your hotel reservations already. I’m not just basing this on a single victory in an otherwise miserable season. The team looks fantastic.
What, you still don’t believe me? Skeptical much?
How about this? The Redskins scored 20 points for the first time all season. It doesn’t matter that I expected them to do this two months ago and then pretty much every game in between. I just knew they had it in them.
Now that they’re an offensive juggernaut, you better hop aboard the bandwagon while there’s still room. When those last 2,200 seats go, it will be completely full, and you’ll be totally screwed.
A one-game winning streak never tasted so sweet. It has changed the nation’s perception of the Redskins from the dregs of the league to something just above dregs.
Come on! Are you still dwelling on their loss to the Lions this year, breaking Detroit’s 19-game losing streak? Have you ever considered they’re playing an elaborate trick on the rest of the league?
Like Bill Walton once said of the Orlando Magic when they were down 15 points in the second half: “they have the Celtics right where they want them.” If Bill Walton is to be believed, then the Redskins have everyone right where they want them.
I can see you need some more convincing. Well, let’s pretend you’re searching priceline.com for rooms at the Miami Sheraton. Let me tell you something: I booked my room after they lost to Kansas City. In fact, I’m already there.
When you show up in February, I’ll have a good laugh at your expense. Until then, I’ll settle for watching the Redskins on the beach as I’m fanned by a very pregnant Kourtney Kardashian. Nothing could be finer.
They’re ready for a run, broheim. The players are already talking about it in the locker room. They’ve run the table to end the season before—a five-game winning streak in 2005 and a four-gamer in 2007, to make the playoffs both years.
They’re this close to a dynasty. I swear it.
You just know things are going well when career scrubs Ladell Betts and Rock Cartwright are toting the ball. With Clinton Portis injured, one of them is bound to have a career year by default.
In fact, several Redskins are on the verge of having career years.
Just this weekend fullback Mike Sellers—yes, the Mike Sellers—scored his 1st touchdown of the year, to go along with 128 yards on 10 catches for the season. That puts him on pace for 18 catches and 228 yards, which would shatter his previous 10-year career highs.
Sellers is also having a career year in vulnerability. Cameras caught him late in the 4th quarter Sunday, his eyes welling with tears, probably wondering how a season gone horribly wrong has stayed wrong for so long before making this abrupt detour back toward the promised land.
It’s crazy how many players have raised their game in 2009.
Kicker Scott Suisham is 12-12 on field goals. Suck on that.
Backup tight-end Todd Yoder and Betts both scored this week, putting them in a five-way deadlock for the team lead in touchdowns, with two.
Offensive tackle Mike Williams has shed 100 pounds to play for the team because he’s finally motivated to make enough money to eat himself out of the league again.
You want more highlights?
Defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth has been helped off the field by trainers at least a dozen times this season, each one more mortifying than the last, and that has to be some kind of personal high.
Why, quarterback Jason Campbell might throw 20 TDs this season, obliterating his previous season high of 13.
Scoff all you want, but those numbers would be amazing in 1952.
Even in the midst of the Redskins’ one-game winning streak, the skeptics are everywhere.
One of my colleagues at the A-T compared Redskins owner Daniel Snyder to Darth Vader. I wish. Darth Vader had some good in him, at least. Snyder’s soul is as dark as outer space. Maybe if I skewer him with a light saber, he’ll lighten up like Darth did for Luke in “Return of the Jedi,” just before he died.
And wouldn’t that be a hoot?
In other fun news, the team has lost its best two offensive lineman for the year, which gives the younger guys valuable experience. The lineup changes every week, with the coaches shuffling linemen like a blubbery 1,600-pound deck of cards.
Plus, they’ve scored two touchdowns on fake field goals, both courtesy of punter Hunter Smith. Do I smell an NFL record?
Smith also had the team’s only rushing touchdown through the first six games. Which made me wonder if he was that good or if the rest of the team was that bad, until the Denver game.
I mean, when you go out and slaughter St. Louis by two points at home, then wax a winless Tampa Bay, 16-14—all of this despite an offense that scores less than a middle-schooler—that’s talent, people.
Still, like any gifted child, they must be challenged or they grow bored.
The Denver game was a snoozer. The Redskins need a challenge, and I’m thankful for their brutal second-half schedule against teams like New Orleans, Dallas, Philadelphia and New York. That should keep them sharp for the stretch run.
What more evidence do you need?
I’m thinking after this offensive breakthrough versus Denver, the Redskins go 9-7—10-6 tops—and slide into the playoffs as the final wild card, catapulting to ultimate victory from there.
And when they’ve won Super Bowl XLIV, will I look at you across the hotel bar in Miami and say ‘I told you so?’ For some crazy reason, I get the feeling you won’t even be there.
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