Keep that vomit down, Packers fans. A legendary Green Bay quarterback has come out of retirement to resume his career with an NFC North rival.
And this time it’s not Brett Favre.
Two-time Super Bowl MVP Bart Starr announced Wednesday in a press conference in Detroit that he is ending his 38-year retirement to attempt a comeback with the Lions.
“If you’re true Packer fans, you’d understand,” the 75-year-old Starr said about his fan base.
While those attending the press conference were blinded by the shine off Starr’s bald head more than his Super Bowl rings, Starr said he thinks the NFL will welcome him back with open arms.
“I think my return is great for football,” Starr bragged to a reporter. “I can’t see how you wouldn’t think it would be.”
Donning a #2 Lions jersey, Starr said his comeback wasn’t an attempt to “stick it to” former head coach and general manager Dan Devine, who chose to go with Scott Hunter at quarterback in 1971 instead of Starr.
“Regardless of who it’s with, I still feel like I can help this team or whichever team was willing to take a chance,” Starr said. “I know there are people out there taking sides or whatever. This is not about revenge, believe me.”
Hunter, who was selected by Devine in the sixth round of the 1971 NFL Draft, was given the starting job upon Starr’s retirement.
Devine, who passed away in 2002, left the Packers to coach the University of Notre Dame in 1974. Many Packers fans felt Devine was eager to play Hunter, his hand-picked successor to Starr, which ultimately led to Starr’s retirement.
Starr also said he was not worried about tarnishing his legacy, as many of his critics have stated he would do if he decided to come back.
“First of all, when people start talking about my legacy, it’s mine,” he said sternly. “It’s what I think of it. I know the way I play the game. I know the way I handled myself as a teammate, as a leader, within the public.”
The Lions, who already have a stellar running back in Kevin Smith and a suffocating defense led by linebacker Ernie Sims, have been without a franchise quarterback since Bobby Layne was throwing passes for them in 1958.
Sims has already gone on the record saying he wished the Bart Starr saga would come to a conclusion one way or another.
“If we get Bart, then that’s a bonus,” Sims said. “But let’s either get it done and get moving on with it or let it go. It’s not so much that it’s a distraction because we’re professionals and don’t really buy into that. But it’s annoying.”
The signing, which has been rumored for weeks, comes after Starr’s partially-torn rotator cuff and painful bicep were cleared by the Detroit medical staff during Starr’s physical.
Starr said he had not been in contact with Favre about what becoming the enemy to Packers fans would be like, but did say he was relieved to finally have made a decision on whether to return to the NFL.
In a related note, Starr has already signed endorsement deals with Prilosec OTC, Wrangler jeans and the Sears department chain.
Disclaimer: This article appears in our Halloween Issue and is satirical in nature.
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