B-Side Presents When Santa realizes his marriage failed

The modern world was shocked today when it discovered that Santa Claus, everyone's favorite fat man, had filed for a divorce from his wife of over a millennium, Mrs. Claus.

"I just couldn't deal with it anymore," Claus said. "I'd rather spend my life stuck in a chimney than return to that abusive relationship."

Claus insisted that no one should mourn over their broken relationship as it had been a long time coming.

"No happy marriage ever ends in a divorce," Claus said. "It would be a shame if something like that ever happened."

Claus cited numerous complaints with the marriage, the most noteworthy one being her lack of support.

"She always considered me to be lazy," Claus said. "She was always on my case for only working one day out of the year."

Mrs. Claus had some of her own comments on the issue, claiming that Claus' love for food morbidly outweighed his love for her.

"It's not a coincidence his last name is Kringle," Mrs. Claus said. "Our house is essentially a pastry shop."

The couple made it apparent that there had been issues for a long time now to the point where everything the other person would do caused a great deal of annoyance in the household.

"He has never used a door in his life," Mrs. Claus said. "It's hard enough to clean up dirt that was tracked in from outside, let alone chimney soot."

While the mainstream media may support the big man on this issue, Mrs. Claus urges everyone to wait until all of the facts are released before making a judgment call.

"There's a lot you may not know about Santa, and it's not all candy canes and ornaments," Mrs. Claus said. "He's no St. Nick."

Claus insisted that his wife was simply being bitter, and her complaints about him were not only invalid but also uncalled for.

"Honestly, I think it might be because I took the reindeer out more than I took her out … and I only hitch up the sleigh once a year," Claus said. "The misfit toys and abominable snowman complain less than she did, and they have tons to complain about. Their lives are horrible."

Mrs. Claus said the problem with the marriage was rooted in home life as simple tasks weren't executed properly.

"For as long as I can remember, all he's ever made me for dinner was cookies, milk and chestnuts roasting on an open fire," Mrs. Claus said. "If that wasn't bad enough, anytime something needed fixing he would just outsource the project to one of his elf slaves. He's a bum. He only works once a year. "

With the drama of the divorce, the elves and reindeer have been distracted from their usual December workload.

"I know we've heard a lot of things from both parties, but I know they'll work it out and get back together," Rudolph, leader of the reindeer, said. "It might be one foggy Christmas Eve, but their love for each other is bright enough to guide that sleigh through any storm."